Nana's Visit

It has been four days since Mom left our house for the airport after a wonderful week with her! How fun to have Nana around to just share in our new fall routine- kindergarten, preschool, swim lessons, the farmer's market, church, hanging out on the front porch, and even a trip to the zoo! And highlight for mom and dad...getting out on the town and eating some good food. Yeehaw.

The sea lions at the zoo put on quite a show for us. Rynn got a hold of Nana's camera and took a million pictures. Here are a few of the highlights.


The days are shortening at an ever increasing speed lately. According to the paper we are losing six minutes of daylight a day. Fall has arrived, and we are finally settling into the pace of our new schedule. Eleanor is adjusting to preschool and enjoying meeting new friends and having them over to play when Rynn is at school. Her quote of the week, "Mommy, I think I 'm allergic to yellow." Oh well, at least it's not wheat gluten.
Yesterday Rynn said, "I don't want this day to ever end. It has been so fun." So, I think school is suiting her. Every once in a while she spouts something in Japanese to which I reply, "what did you say??." She says, "MOMMY, that means 'sit down,' or 'happy birthday,' or 'hello' in Japanese." Below is a fun historic picture of her elementary school which was built in 1851- the oldest school in Portland PUblic Schools (not sure that is something to be excited about...but, hey, fun picture anyway!). It appears that having a school garden is not such a novel idea.

Ohh...and one more note of the passing of time. This week's blog entry represents the one year birthday of "Little Family in the Big City." How the year has flown! Happy birthday, blog.

Brew, Baby, Brew

Another full week of life at the Little house... a week that included birthday parties, swim lessons, kindergarten, preschool, church, Nana's arrival! (more pics of that to come), and some beer brewing. Remember that Hops Vine we planted? Back in March? Just a wee little thing. Well, it grew. It was harvested. And now it is beer. Check it out below. All from our own backyard.

the hops

Ben, a friend from church who helped Jason with this operation, checking out the hops.

Harvested hops in the Oregon September sun

Jason smelling the hops

Jason, Ben, and Chris making the brew. Local, sustainable, organic beer made from fresh hops...ready to drink in three weeks.

Warning- This is a long one :).

Me hiking in the Columbia River Gorge two weekends ago
When does life begin? It is a question being asked a lot these days as a presidential election looms large over all of us. When does motherhood begin? Does it begin when you have sex and hope in the deepest part of you that some sperm found your egg and made a connection? Or when one more day passes on the calender and your period still hasn’t come? When that little plus sign appears as you hopefully sit on the bathroom floor? For the last six years I have been absorbed in motherhood. No one could have explained to me how my heart and body would be turned inside out both literally and figuratively by having children. From the beginning they have been a part of me forming in the core of my body, taking my nutrients, my energy, connected to me physically. Then they were born and the mere overwhelming responsibility for just keeping those tiny lives going was at times too much to bear. As they formed in my body they filled me, emptied me, took me, and changed me. As my days filled with the relentless duties of caring for small children I often wondered, “What has happened to ME? Where has Caroline gone? I love this new life, but has part of me gone forever in the giving of myself to thes new lives?.”

The days flew by as I desperately craved a few spare moments of time to myself without a child hanging on me, peeing or pooping on me, or crying to me. And then, suddenly, as though in a time warp, kindergarten is here. As we close in on our first full week I have struggled with feeling profoundly sad, perhaps even a little depressed. Dropping Eleanor off at preschool this morning I overheard a group of other first time kindergarten moms expressing similar feelings of anxiety, depression, surprising sadness, and a rawness of emotion bubbling to the surface. I wanted to hug these women, many of whose names I just learned last week! I’m not the only one! This is normal. I’m not going crazy! As Rynn blossoms and grows in this new life away from home I am left with the pang and emptiness of letting her grow up. I know she still needs me. Heck, I still need my mommy. But, the center of her days is not me anymore. I don’t know what happens with her every moment, or if she is drinking water, or what she is feeling. I do know the smile on her face when she comes home and the excitement to return the following day. She is growing up. This is a good thing, as Jason reminds me, so why this sadness?

Yesterday, Eleanor and I were crossing the Willamette River to downtown when we were stopped by our bridge being raised to allow the passing of a boat. It was quite exciting to be the first car in line as a very large city bridge rose to vertical right before our eyes. As I waited patiently for what I thought was going to be a big barge moving up the river, I was surprised to look down to see a small elegant sailboat passing gracefully through the bridge’s opening. The gold of the sunlight bounced off the waves of the river cheering the boat on its journey toward the sea. Suddenly, I had this overwhelming urge to be on that boat, to feel the wind in my face, and the sun on my back, to be controlling the sails and yet yielding to the wind. The image has stuck with me providing a picture of my own heart this week. Not only have I realized that inside of me I’m still there, the me that was there before I ever thought of Rynn and Eleanor. It is a changed me, but a me nonetheless. And that me wants to learn to sail (nevermind the necessary things that need to happen to make that a reality…like a job, for instance). My life is opening up into a new season, and this is good. It is exciting and heartwrenching all at the same time to move through these passage ways- whether it be the beginning of motherhood, or retirement, or a job, or a move, or the loss of a loved one that signals a new way of life.

So I come back to the beginning. When does life begin? We begin as an idea in the mind of God. We belong to Him. He holds us through the passageways and changes us in them as well. Our identity is in him and He is our safe harbor.

Lowdown on the mundane

So, for the faithful readers among you, grandparents mostly, here is the lowdown on the last two days of 'normal life' as the fall presents it. My eyes are dilated like saucers so, pleaeeesee, no judgment on the typos. This is a blind lady typing, thank you very much. Oh, yes, my eyes are fine...just have a callous (nice thought,eh?) beginning on one eye. My prescription- get some good sunglasses. Oh well, doctor's orders.

So, school. We've survived the first two days of kindergarten, and it has been great! Life hasn't opened up into this sea of free time as i thought it might having one child in school from 8am to 2pm. Actually, it has been the opposite. Eleanor is struggling losing her best buddy, and is a bit like a moody teenager until Rynn comes home. After rynn does come home, everyone eats a little something, rests a bit, the basement comes alive with the sounds of their imaginations. School for E. has been good, a bit chaotic, as expected with 17 three year olds. She is surprisingly shy and showing new sides of her personality away from the support of her sister. Today, she painted a picture of a sunset and her teacher Teresa read a story. that is about all the info I got despite much bribing.

Rynn is thriving albeit tired. She is already asking to take the bus home. info out of her so far?
-They sang "Head, Shoulders, Knees and toes" in Japanese
- They are painting their own book of Brown Bear, Brown Bear, what do you see?
- Went to the playground two times
- I need to "pack her less lunch because there is no time to eat" (even Rynn left half a sandwich in her lunchbox!)
-Rynn likes to play with her friend Kate
- Played basketball in gym

As for mama? hangin' in... but actually, surprisingly, missing those lazy days of summer.

Eleanor's First Day of Preschool...and MORE!

After a year of anticipation Eleanor began her own school experience today at Rose City Cooperative Preschool (what does that mean?...I will work in the classroom 1 morning/month). She was all skips and excitement this morning as the whole family sent her off for her big day. The highlight of the day for her? "Snack," she said, "we got to have Pirate Booty AND animal crackers." A girl after my own heart.


A posed smile and adoring look from big sister.


Making herself at home!

More fun was had at the Little house last night as we got to have my cousin Leigh and her boyfriend Johnny stay with us on their way back to Berkeley, CA. What fun to see family who is also living on the West Coast!

Johnny, who is affectionately known around the family as the "glaciologist" (sp?), examines the scientific properties of Flubber(a distant relative of playdough) as it cascades off the table. Johnny and Leigh brought some brain power to the house as they both are pursuing PhDs at Berkeley- Johnny in the study of glacier movement and Leigh in the study of insurance policy and the environment (did I get that right guys?).

A bit out of focus because of the light, but quite a cute picture of Leigh and Johnny reading a bedtime story to the girls. A great time for all!

First Day of Kindergarten! (sort of...)

Rynn started school today! Well, sort of...she was there for an hour and a half to meet her teachers and tour the school without mom and dad. Her Japanese teacher Yoshida greeted her at the door, and there was no letting any mommies by. She stood guard like a sentinel keeping us weepy parents out. Rynn did great, marching in with confidence, and told me when I picked her up that she wanted to stay longer. She will start in earnest on Monday, September 8th. Check back tomorrow for pictures of Eleanor's first day of preschool!